From the day we are born, our mom selflessly care and love us without condition. They have our best interests in their hearts- even though they may not able to express it well. This is especially if they’ve came from harsh background and grown up deprived of love. Older generations, especially Asians are very reserved when it comes to expression affections- both verbal and in hugs.
We sometimes need to take cue from their behavior and cannot judge them by superficially how they behave outwardly. Especially if we have broken their hearts by being rebellious or by even betraying them, they still love us- but the hurt may be deep.
As Mother’s Day falls on this Sunday, I thought of writing this article for the sons and daughters out there and show some examples of how things are not what it seems. If you take everyday ‘literally’, one day you may just figure out the truth- and by then, it may be too late to make amends.
1. She said you need not get her any gifts, give her money or take her out on her birthday and Mother’s day.
Well, moms always worry if we have enough money to use. They know how hard you slog your guts out to earn money and if you already have a family, they do not want to intrude on you and further burden you financially. If you take her words literally and never give her anything- well, deep down she may feel disappointed- especially if you keep buying gifts for your spouse, kids and friends but nothing for her. Even though she has her own spending money, it’s nothing like something from you- even though if the item is inexpensive. So, take time to quietly observe what she may need- and then buy it for her- it would touch her heart that you have noticed.
2. Your time with her means everything and she lives for those moments to see you- especially if you are not staying with her
Astro ran an interesting advertisement years ago about how a man who felt guilty about his lonely parents at home decided to get them an Astro installed back at home. And the parents are no longer lonely but happy- spending the entire day enjoying cable TV. Well I would think that this advertisement is a bit misleading.
Even though they may tell you that, ‘mama understand that you are busy working. There’s no need to come back to see me if you don’t have time. Don’t worry about me, I am happy and can take care of myself’- actually… she would probably miss you very badly. The litmus test is when you go back home and she cooks all your favourite dishes- a serving fit for a king. You know, cooking dishes takes planning- like buying food and they would spend hours a day just ‘planning’ your meals and counting the days and hours when she will see you.
So, try to go back as often as you can to see her. If you cannot make it- then at least take time to call her as often as you can. I know some parents who actually went through the effort of leaning internet and Skye just to be in contact with their children.
3. She scolds and nags you because she loves you
When she nags at you, don’t snap back at her. Some people are natural worriers- a mother would forever worry about her child- from the time she gave birth to him/her until her very last breath. She will never stop worrying for you. Depending on personality and her own upbringing, nagging or scolding you may be the only way she knows how to express herself.
When you get defensive and snap back at her, she would be heartbroken. Sometimes, she may not even know that her behavior actually hurt your feelings. You need to tell her in a nice manner after things have calm down. Mothers always want the best for us- they are not there to sabotage us. If she had done anything wrong to you, forgive her for the debt that we owe her cannot be repaid, even in blood. When she nags or scolds, resist the temptation to answer back or storm out of the house. Don’t keep grudges. Forgive.
Society norms had changed so much that there is a definite generation gap in beliefs and thinking. Therefore, it is not surprising that miscommunication would always occur as both generations totally see things differently. Look beyond the surface- actions and words are not necessary what they appeared to be.
I would like to end this post with this ancient Chinese poem, written almost 2000 years ago:
The loving mother is stiching
Holding a needle with thread
Stitching, stitching, she sews, and the thread is extending
As if it were connecting the coat
On her son who is travelling
A thousand miles away
No matter how far he travels
His mother’s caring thoughts
Are like the thread in the needle
Extending, extending in her hand and,
So she sews, and sews
For him day after day
As if the thread is connecting
Herself with her son
On his journey to accompany him