When your husband leaves you for another woman

Highlight, Tis Thing Called Life

Having a man who your trusted, love and build a home together suddenly leaving you is one most heartbreaking thing that can happen to any woman.

If he is asking for a divorce, he may justify his straying ways by quoting nasty reasons such as you are too fat, unattactive, boring, not good in bed, etc. It hurts to the core as to why he could suddenly say all these things.

Your self confidence may shatter the ground and you may even start blaming yourself for all the shortcomings. But….

Please know this… If he wants to stray, he will do so even if you are the sexiest and prettiest woman in the world. Look at all the famous people and movie stars..most of their marriages do not last.

So, please don’t beat yourself up and start to believe in what he said. I have friends who are gorgeous, capable and attractive yet their husbands left them for another woman.

And I have overweight friends who are in happy marriages. Therefore, it is not your fault most of the time. He is just giving lame excuses for doing what he wants to do.

You may want to try to win him back because you cannot bear it. Please reconsider your decision on this. If he hurts you and disregard you, he is showing you a side of him that you have not seen before. If he is not nasty and selfish, he would not use hurtful words on you to hurt you. You are the victim here and not the cause of his straying.

Even if you managed to win him back, there is a high likelihood he will do it again in future. You need to ask yourself is it really worth it?

It is gonna hurt like hell for now and probably for a year or two. But it is better to know now that to waste more years of your life on this worthless piece of ____. I promise of you hang in there, you would be the one who have the last laugh.

Years ago, there is a manager in my department who is a well groomed, beautiful, good shape and kind hearted woman. She turn heads wherever she goes because she looked like the actress Christy Chung.

But when she was younger, she actually looked like a nerd. Huge permed hair, spectacles, ill fitting clothes and a little overweight. Her husband forced her to change…dragged her to the gym, change her appearance, etc. And she did what he wanted because she wanted so much to please him.

She was then transformed from a plain jane to a beautiful swan in the hands of her husband.

Yet, he still left her for another woman and they divorced.

She poured herself in her job and took up career opportunities. Today, she holds a high corporate position and eventually she meet another man who appreciate and value her.

Sometimes wealth and fame changes a loving couple. With fame and wealth, various woman will come out from the woodwork to try to seduce your husband. It is really up to him to fall to it or not. We tend to blame the other woman but we forget that it takes 2 hands to clap.

Let we share with you another real story. This is a relative of mine. He had inheritance (trust fund that his late dad’s family had set up) but his mom asked him to sign over to money to him. She then gambled away the money with another man.

He made his own luck, sold insurance and rose high up till having his own agency with many downlines. His wife was his pillar of success, they knew each other when both were poor. She help and supported him and together they made lots of money.

With that, comes temptation. When they were poor and struggling they never had this problem. But when successful…things change. Another woman came and seduced the man.

And you know what is the saddest part? The woman was his wife’s best friend. The wife never saw it coming until it was too late. This woman knew the weakness and she filled that gap.

You see, the wife was his pillar, handling a lot of behind the scene work and building his agency, supporting his downlines and customers. So she did not have time to cook or care for the house a lot. Once they got into an argument and she went overseas for a holiday. The other woman the made her move…. Cooking soup and homemade food, caring for him. They started an affair and she got pregnant.

When the wife found out, she was hurt to the core. But surprisingly, she tolerated the affair at first and tried to close one eye. This is because they have build up such a partnership that it is not viable to give it all up.

But she reached her limits when the husband wanted the other woman to move it with them. That’s it. She could not take it anymore and filed for a divorce. Also she sold whatever her share and they reached a settlement.

Now because the wife played a strong part in the success and also a lot of things were under her name since she manages everything behind the scenes, when they split she was also getting a substantial amount.

While filling for divorce, of course the wife stopped managing the agency. The mistress stepped in. And managing an agency is pure hard work….which she was not really willing to do.

Just as the divorce was due to be finalized, the mistress suddenly bailed out and disappeared with the kid (by then she has given birth). I heard was because she found another richer guy.

The man then wanted to go back to his wife but as you have probably guessed it, the wife asked him to get lost. She refused to take him back.

With the settlement from the divorce, she went on to raise their kids.

Eventually the man found another woman whom he married. He then got cancer. While undergoing the treatment, the second wife cared for him and we all thought she was such a wonderful woman.

In the end, he succummed to his cancer. Things turned a little ugly as the mistress suddenly appeared out of the woodwork and with the wife they were fighting for inheritance.

It is sad because I know this man and he had a very good heart. I mentioned that his mom gambled away his inheritance. His auntie helped him a little and he looked after the auntie and her husband, paying for all their living expenses.

He always remembered those who helped him and never forsaken them. Perhaps his childhood where his mom took him and his sister and ran off with a rotten man who abused them. He never got any guidance and came out from a young age to work his way up. It was circumstantial and temptation that he did not manage to overcome. It was most unfortunate.

Sometimes things like this happen and we find ourselves betrayed by the ones we love the most. The two stories above happened years ago and the people in it have moved on.

But not long ago, there are two of my friends whose husband of 20 years left them for other women. They were again devastated. One have moved on as she had found something meaningful in her life and a strong support group to help her.

Another is still trying to recover from the hurt and betrayal. The only thing is to let time heals the wounds, and to find something else to focus on and support group to turn to for comfort.

If you are in the situation now, please take good care. Don’t harm yourself because it is going to benefit them with you out of the way.

I want you to know that I understand your pain. Because I’ve had things happened to me that were so traumatising that I would not wish it even on my worst enemies.

But years down the line, I healed. And I know you would too. It was these type of sad experience that have the potential to give you the personal growth, compassion and maturity that no theory or paid courses can ever do.

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