Don’t be the cause of friction for your kids by repeating rants

Tis Thing Called Life

In life we have been told to always speak the truth. But if the truth cause division in others, then your words of truth becomes harmful. In such instance, it is better to keep quiet.

If you are a parent and one day, your daughter comes to you and complain about her brother (your son) in an explosive and angry manner, you should never repeat it back to your son word for word.

If you always do that, you would end up pegging them against each other and planting seeds of resentment in them.

One day after you kicked the bucket, a simple misunderstanding between them may result in an explosive meltdown and permanent estrangement of both of them. If they have no one else, then they would be alone without support.

I have seen this happening in a few families where siblings got estranged because their parent(s) repeat back and forth what that was supposed to be nothing more than a heat of the moment rant.

What the parent may not realize is that with each repetition, a little thorn of hurt and resentment is planted in the heart of the person who heard the ‘allegations’.

Could your relationship with your sibling suffered because of this?

Let’s give an example. Imagine if your mom told you that your sister thinks that you are stingy and calculative (relating an example of a particular incident). You would have believed your mom because she would have no reason to lie about this rite?

I would think that perhaps your mom also secretly agree with your sister but she could not bring herself to tell you that because she knows you have a bad temper. So she tried to ‘tell you’ through the words of your sister, which was only ranting because she happened to be annoyed at you about a particular incident. In a way, your mom had meant well as she may have intended to use that rant of your sister’s as an example to try to drive the message across.

But what your mom did not realize she is doing is that she is unintentionally driving a wedge between you and your sister. If you have a bad temper, you would fly with anger because you would wonder why can’t your sister tell in to your face than be a coward and complaint behind your back?

Meanwhile, your sister genuinely was only ranting because it so happened that she had a bad day at work and something about the fact you split the dinner bill to the minute manner triggered your sister. So she ranted to your mom (someone she always confided in), felt better and few days after that, put that episode out of her memory.

This is going to fester inside you and the next time you see your sister,  your non verbal cues and perhaps sarcastic choice of words may end up putting your sister off. After a while, your sister picked up on your sarcasm and started to recuperate in the same manner.

You may have been best friends with your sister when young but a seemingly harmless incident like this can really be the catalyst to sour the relationship. Don’t get angry with your mom because keep in mind that parents would never want to drive a wedge in their children.

But if you suspect that your tensed relationship with a sibling could be because of something as simple as this, consider carefully that rants are often something said during an emotional episode. Often time, the person may not really, deep down meant what they said. Perhaps it is time to forgive and tried to rebuild that relationship because it is not worth to let it go because of years of misunderstanding.

You may consider making the first step to establish contact again. The most the other person can say is no or ignore you. First time maybe you are ignored. Perhaps do it two or three times and if still no reply, well, tell yourself at least you have tried.

 

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