No point of revenge or getting even

Highlight, Tis Thing Called Life

There would come a time in our lives where we may be betrayed by someone we thought we could trust. This is followed by feelings of intense anger but essentially it may be masking feelings of sadness and grief.

When this happens, our first instinct may be go seek revenge of the wrongdoing done against us.

I have came across real life sharing from people who took revenge for those who have wronged them. They called it nuclear revenge stories and it could get very dramatic.

A few examples.. .. A man who found out his wife cheated on him with his best friend. Of course he divorced her but he took revenge by scheming and hatching a plan which end up successfully ruining the careers of both his wife and his best friend. And he also started to sleep around with other women.

His best friend’s wife and children are innocent. When his best friend lose the income, it affected what he could provide for his kids.

Another real story…. A man came from a small town where he was badly bullied by the family of a few key people who monopoly the business in his town. Essentially the town has a company where the bullies family works in and then the other businesses are supporting this business.

He got into college and eventually was able to get into an audit company. Coindentally he was sent by his company to audit none other than the place from his hometown. He went back… His bullies were shocked and afraid to see him. Outwardly he pretended everything is okay but was seething inside. He gathered evidence and wrote a report where he managed to blow small issues into big ones.

In the end, he caused the company to get shut down. With the company down, the surrounding industries also went under. Many people lose their jobs and livelihood. Some started going into drugs.

While obsessed in getting even, he directly break the rice bowls of many other innocent people and family and kids.

Why there is no point of taking revenge or getting even

I know, being betrayed hurts. Being harmed hurts. But if you resolve to tactics of getting even, what makes you any different from the other person?

Say someone tarnish your reputation by saying mean or wrong things about you and many people believe them. If you take revenge by trying to bring down that person’s career or marriage, then I hate to be blunt… But you are scooping to their level. And worse if you end up hurting innocent people.

Then what else to do? Sit and suffer in silence like a defeated loser?

Trust me, once you have your revenge, you may feel satisfied and vindicted for a while. But you have not addressed that sadness, disappointment or grief. It hurts to face it, as it is a huge blow to our ego and self worth.

It would also change you… Towards the path of darkness.

So the next time the sad feelings simmer and try to rise to the surface, you would deny it by trying to distract yourself. If you are deeply hurt by your spouse who cheated on you, you may not want to address that deep hurt. Instead you may choose to go to Tinder, have one night stands. Or worse, date other women, string them around and dump them.

There is no ending of this. It is going to get worse and you will end up doing more and more damage to yourself and destroying others.

Then what to do?

If you are in touch with your feelings, do some soul searching, work through with a therapist or if you are into any faith, seek out advice for the possible spiritual explanation of this based on your belief system.

With time, you will move on, I promise. Please don’t let this experience ruin you and turn you into a monster. It is not worth it.

I have been wronged and betrayed by people whom I trust in life. I know how hurtful it can be. How tempted it is to get even. When I was younger and impulsive, I can’t say that I have not been tempted to get even.

But trust me, they would eventually get what they deserve without requiring your intervention. You don’t need to take matters in your own hands. I have seen too many examples of this. And when sometimes when all their bad stuff catches up with them, it would be so bad that you may even feel genuinely sorry for them.

Throughout my career, I have worked hard and honest. I dedicated my working career towards using my talents to help customers and staff who are serving them. But there have been a few people who seemed hell bent to sabotaj me. I was very hurt as well as angry but I did not take revenge. Later, I seen with my own eyes how their deeds backfire back on them. One guy I remember tried to stab me at the back by taking time to build a case against me.

It is quite sad because this guy was someone whom I have helped a lot. You see, he was a trans and during that time, there was a lot of discrimation against them. I remember the looks of disgust thrown at him when we were waiting for the lift.

I did not like how he was discrimated so I tried to help him as I was his senior. I also spoke positively to supervisors. He was hardworking, capable and willing to learn so after a while, he got the breaks that I felt he deserved.

Within about 6 years, he rose to the rank of manager. I was genuinely happy for him.

And he repayed me for all I have done for him by trying to throw me under the bus, twice.

All were wrong allegations. The first time, it backfired on him. He tried it a second time and again backfired. And on both times, accusing me had made him look bad at the eyes of management. After the second failed attempt, he did not dare to do it again. But he targetted others, his long time colleagues who had treated him as a friend.

His personal life was a mess. I know all he wanted was someone who truly love him. But he build his relationships on basis of lies and deceit and hence he either got betrayed or dumped. I really felt sorry for him…he is rich now but deeply deeply unhappy. The very thing he wanted so much in his life, eluded him.

To make the record clear, the experience I had with the guy above does not tarnish what I feel about trans folks who are some of the most emphatic, kind and customer service orientated folks that I know.

Another story…

In the last 7 years of my mom’s job before her retirement, my mom had a male clerk working in the same clinic as my mom who was out to get my mom. He spread lies about my mom that caused the entire office to turn against my mom. Basically this man was a lazy worker and got scolded by the doctor for not doing his work. The young doctor had a bad temper and some issues at home so she sort of took it out on the staff, and my mom herself was also on the receiving brunt of it. But somehow this man was convinced the reason why they all got scolded was because my mom, who was a nurse had to spend time in the room assisting the doctor was backstabbing them.

Most people gave mom the silent treatment but mom tolerated it as she needed the salary. This lasted for few years. In the end, when my mom was about to retire, through the admission of the doctor, most people at the office realized my mom was innocent and treated her well.

Few years ago, I heard from the doctor (now retired and still friends with my mom) that the clerk’s only son had died suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 32, leaving his wife and a young child. It wad devastating for that man.

My mom was also physically abused by her adopted mom and brother while the aunt (the unmarried servant lady who took my mom in) went to work. In the end, her stepbrother had a life of utter poverty, never given much chance and worked as a house painter to feed his 5 kids, his wife and his mom.

While my mom, thru series of circumstances, was put thru English education, managed to pass her exams even though she was often starved and beaten and eventually trained to become a nurse.

When her adopted mother passed away… They went through a Taoist funeral. In the funeral, usually the Taoist master would calculate the deceased next rebirth using the time and date of birth as well as death. I have been impressed because these Taoist masters never know the deceased or their families yet their calculation is eerily spot on…

My grandaunt when passed away was said to have taken rebirth in one of the lower heaven realms.

On the other hand, my mom’s adopted mom, the evil woman….the calculation shows she was reborn…

…. in hell.

It is just the nature of life. People can change and can turn against us or let us down. We have no control of what other people wanted to do.

But we have full control of how we want to react. If we hatched a revenge plan or try to get even, it makes us no different than the person who have wronged us. In a way it is good for us to know early than later so that we stop wasting our life on someone who is not worth our while. Let it go and move on. Time would heal your pain and so long as you don’t give up, the road ahead would be a better one.

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